It remains the only book I’ve read for non-research purposes that I made detailed notes on. For years, I talked about this book in glowing terms to my friends and siblings and even read from the notes I made regularly. I read it first about ten years ago, and I read it every two years since then. But now I find it better to reread it every year. 

Human Relationships

The book presents Carnegie’s advice on relationships, and it is even more relevant in this age where many of us communicate more by text and social media than we do face to face. This was the first book that opened up the human psyche to many people and gave us a key to understand both ourselves and those around us. I soaked up the advice in the book and, still, today, apply it every chance I get. It has been good all the way.

There have been times when I certainly have not followed this advice and, naturally, things went wrong between myself and others. I can honestly say that where I have applied Carnegie principles, things have turned out very well in my relationship with people. When you read this book, something will change in your mindset. At the very least, you will understand and become more aware of your interpersonal skills and work with people every day. Even though some people still find it difficult to apply all his rules, a little thought and effort are all you need. 

This book has been around for many years (85 years, to be exact). This book is great for both personal and professional communication. It is filled with well-grounded, basic, and interesting advice for building great relationships in your life and your business.

The Principles

The book outlines principles (30 in total) for becoming a friendlier person. They are:

1. Don’t criticise, condemn or complain. When you come from a place of positive solutions and understanding, it does wonders for communication;
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation. Be authentic with people, fake appreciation is insincere and quite transparent, and it can come across as condescending.
3. Arouse an eager want. My interpretation of this is that you generate interest and motivation in others so they do what you want them to do.
4. Become genuinely interested in other people – we can’t fake genuine any more than we can appreciate. Be mindful and present when people are talking to you;
5. Smile. It’s contagious and always welcome.
6. Remember a person’s name is the most important thing . So always remember people’s names and use it. We all hate it when people address us by the wrong name.
7. Be a good listener – Encourage others to talk about themselves. Active listening is one of the hallmarks of good communication. 
8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Think about common grounds and common things when you are with another person and talk about those things. That is what makes for interesting conversation.
9. Make the other person feel important, and to do it sincerely, you need to actually believe that they are important. Talk about the value this person brings, it’ll make them feel great, and they will want to come back for more.

But these were not the only principles in the book. In total there are 30 principles, grouped into 4 parts. Part One is about the Fundamental Techniques in Handling People. In this part, there are three principles. Part Two is Three ways to make people like you. Here there are 6 principles. Part Three deals with How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking. In this part, the author discusses 12 principles. Part Four is on Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. Here, Carnegie discusses 9 principles that will help us achieve this.

This book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ teaches us about the best strategies to use in having a great relationship with people around. Though there have been other written materials that teach about pleasant relationships; Carnegie says that his method is way better and will help us to get whatever we want at home and in the office. There’s a kind of simplicity in Carnegie’s ideas, even though it may be ironic. In life, these are obvious habits but extremely hard to practice. Reading contemplative books like Carnegie’s is an opportunity to think about our self-centered nature and improve the quality of our interactions with other people.

Though the book has many great points, there are still some cons in the book. Its major failing shows itself in the claim that the biggest problem human beings face on earth is getting along with and influencing other people. This might seem like an innocent piece of salesmanship, but it is not. The pursuit of popularity can be a dangerous, ephemeral, and corrupting affair. By elevating its import, readers may be misled, and the book may create a moral ranking that subverts the rightful order of things.

Whereas Aristotle, the great philosopher, teaches us that virtue should be practiced for its own sake, Dale Carnegie’s book instructs us to take an interest in people, in order to be able to engage better with them. He says we should be genuine because that way lies the route to popularity & friendship, also to empathize with people so that we may be able to influence them. 

I recommend this book to anyone who wants to have a commonsense, realistic, practical, natural understanding of how human beings do things and live their lives. To add to this, it is full of decency and kindness plus mutual respect and understanding of your fellow human being. This book teaches you how to be a nice person and to treat others much the same. The results were, and still are, remarkable. Of course, you are at liberty to decide to use the principles or not to apply them. You also get to decide when and where to use them and with whom to apply the principles.

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